PTSD Forum and information

[FunkyPlasma]

http://www.ptsdforum.org/


Love,

Michaelwoof

[Lori Anne]

I've joined this forum recently and so far am finding much value in it. 

Recently, an email from my ex husband has caused some of my PTSD symptoms to re-emerge, so I've been reading up a bit and joined a support group online to try and work through this.  Yesterday I felt quite powerless and confused, but today, now that I know where my fear and insecurity is coming from, I feel empowered and better able to cope.

I thought I'd share a bit of what I've found.  Other people's stories.  There's an awful lot of them

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome/PTSD - can you ever learn to trust again?


 

Expert: Steve Brungard - 6/18/2007

Question
Hi Steve,

 I was diagnosed with PTSD an have been in and out of counseling for a few years now. I had a very difficult childhood. I witnessed (and had to keep secret from my father) my mother's various infidelities. It destroyed my relationship with her, and I spent most of my childhood angry and depressed. I found it impossible for many years to let a man touch me, and the first serious boyfriend I had cheated on me.

 I went years alone, until about a year and a half ago I met a wonderful man and was able to trust someone enough to have sex (at 28). We're now living together and planning to marry. I love him more than anything, and he is truly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I believe he'll be a wonderful husband and father.

 My problem is that I am now suffering from anxiety attacks and constantly looking for clues that he's cheating. He can't speak to another female without my getting insecure. I don't want him to have any female friends.

 He tries to reassure me that he would never to anything to jeopardize our relationship (he was cheated on himself in his previous marriage and says he's never cheated on anyone) and although I want to believe him, it's almost impossible.

 I can't seem to allow myself to be happy, as I should be, because the idea of ever being surprised by his infidelity feels like it would kill me. I honestly don't think I could recover from another episode or ever allow someone to get close to me again if this happened. I also have this belief (likely because I know my mom loved my dad) that even people who love one another cheat. It's like they can't control themselves.

 This is going to kill my relationship, but I can't seem to stop it. He tries very hard to be patient with me, but I know he's getting upset that we cover the same ground again and again. Keeping it in only leads to anxiety attacks and hysterical crying jags. He travels a lot for work, and I spend the time alone freaking out.

 I believe I've done a lot of work to face my childhood trauma (I've even mended my relationship with my mother) but how - whaen faced with so many reasons to be afraid - can I learn to trust?

Answer
Hello Lisa;

 Trust is the only method we can use to learn about our fellow humans. We choose someone we want to learn about. We let that person into our life space. We trust them with low level values to see how they manage. If they honor the low level values we trust them with and manage them well, we can choose to trust them with higher values and continue that process until we learn all that we want to learn about that person. After some years, we might arrive at a point where we can begin to say that we know that person. I doubt that we ever actually know a person completely, but knowing what we want to know is sufficient.

 Thereby, if you want to continue learning about this person of interest and he wants to continue learning about you, trust is the only method available to either of you.

 Consider this: at this moment, you appear to be setting a higher value on sexual fidelity than upon a life partnership of two persons working to sustain and fulfill the lives of two persons. The value of good father seems to have been pushed down the value ladder too.

 Someone looking for a life partner and good mother and wants to learn about you will trust you with values that pertain to those roles and see how well you manage.

 Learning to trust is not the issue. Learning how to use trust for the purpose of learning what you want to learn about a fellow human is always the issue. Knowing how a person relates to someone else is academic. Knowing how a person relates to you is intimate.

 best wishes to your team of two;
 Steve

[Lori Anne]

How can PTSD be helped?
Helping yourself

Do ………
keep life as normal as possible
get back to your usual routine
talk about what happened to someone you trust
try relaxation exercises
go back to work
eat and exercise regularly
go back to where the traumatic event happened
take time to be with family and friends
be careful when driving – your concentration may be poor
be more careful generally – accidents are more likely at this time
speak to a doctor
expect to get better .

 

Don’t ……..
beat yourself up about it - PTSD symptoms are not a sign of weakness. They are a normal reaction, of normal people, to terrifying experiences.
bottle up your feelings.  If you have developed PTSD symptoms, don’t keep it to yourself because treatment is usually very successful.  
avoid talking about it
expect the memories to go away immediately; they may be with you for quite some time
expect too much of yourself. Cut yourself a bit of slack while you adjust to what has happened.
stay away from other people
drink lots of alcohol or coffee or smoke more
get overtired
miss meals
take holidays on your own.  
What can interfere with getting better?


You may find that other people may:                  
not let you talk about it
avoid you
be angry with you
think of you as weak
blame you.

[Lori Anne]

I am a 25 year old woman and was diagnosed with Chronic PTSD last summer. I have always known from childhood that there was something wrong with me emotionally. I have always had problems with irritability, temper, and anxiety. I have a hard time expressing my anger, and panic over little things (like not being able to find a shoe, or burning dinner).

 I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. You could say that my family was non-functional. My mother was a drug addict, and my dad seemed to live in denial about my mothers' behavior. He knew she was addicted to drugs, but gave her chance after chance to clean up, subjecting my brother and me to some pretty brutal treatment by her. Because of my parents' irresponsible behavior, I was left in some pretty dodgy environments, and subsequently abused by whoever happened to be angry or upset at the time.

 By the time I was 10, I had been molested and abused by more than four people (never intercourse, just touching). When I was 16, I found out my mother had been murdered by her pimp in Las Vegas. She was strangled and beaten and left in an alleyway to be found later by some high school students. Shortly after this event, I began having nightmares that an intruder was sneaking into my room to strangle me. It was at this time that my panic attacks got worse, and I attempted suicide (never serious, just cries for help). At this time I felt very alone and depressed. I had no friends, came down with the Chicken Pocks and was sick for weeks.

 When I was 17, my father suggested that my mother had molested me. He came to me one day, and out of the blue, asked me if I remembered my mother molesting me when I was a little girl. He said that my mother liked to watch me do things to him. My father placed the blame entirely on my mother, but it is typical behavior for my father to blame everyone else for things. I have a gut feeling (though I have no clear memory) that my father was as responsible, if not more responsible than my mother when it comes to the molestation. To this day, my father never elaborated on the subject, though I have asked him on several occasions to tell me exactly what happened, as it is very important to my healing. I have not spoken to my father in almost six years.

 I began consistent therapy one year ago. I see a wonderful therapist once a week who I trust and admire. I still have several issues I am working through, including irritability, sexual dysfunction, anger, struggles to be perfect, self doubt, stress, and occasional panic attacks. I am working hard on these issues and am confident that with frequent therapy and stress-relief practices (yoga, walking, meditation), I will be able to move on, and overcome these obstacles that are preventing me from living to my full potential.