Honesty is Best

[Lori Anne]

Honesty is Best
The Energy of Honesty

Dishonesty redirects a portion of our energy against the flow, which requires extra effort and drains us.


As children most of us learn that honesty is better than dishonesty, and we may not question this beyond whether or not to do what we’re told. As adults, however, we can go deeper to examine our choices as investments of energy with predictable risks and returns. When we speak the truth, we affirm what already is. This is like using a paddle when the stream is already moving the same direction. We are already supported by the universe and its energy flow, so we don’t need to exert much energy, leaving more for other pursuits. But dishonesty redirects a portion of our energy against the flow, which requires extra effort. In addition, it creates an alternate reality that requires further energetic input to be maintained. So we can easily see that we are best served when we work with the flow of the universe.

Life is not always clearly defined, so we may find it useful to follow our choices to their logical conclusions. We may feel that little untruths are harmless, but they can be like small cracks that weaken an overall structure over time. Even giving someone a compliment or trying to protect them can create problems later when the alternate reality we’ve created becomes the basis for further actions. Even if the actions that follow are honestly done, the underlying unstable foundation of dishonesty will threaten to topple things eventually. This can lead to further energy being spent on keeping things hidden, working to remember the tales we’ve spun and fearing the consequences of being found out. Life doesn’t need to be this draining, but we can make the choice to free ourselves from the bonds of dishonesty at any time.

Speaking and living our truth may involve risking, among other things, the possibility of rejection. But when we allow ourselves to follow the flow of life, we are supported. We can then use our energy to cultivate physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being and to create our dreams, rather than leaving ourselves too drained to even maintain our existence. Today we can make honesty our choice in every interaction, bringing the nurturing power of the universe’s energy into our lives to bring positive, lasting results.

Daily OM

[songbird]

What is the Difference Between a Pathological, a Compulsive, a Chronic, and a Habitual Liar?

Pathological Liar

A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.


Compulsive Liar

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.


The terms Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.

[songbird]

Compulsive Lying

Is your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend a compulsive or pathological liar?

To begin with, it may help to understand the difference between pathological and compulsive lying (see, types of liars).

Ultimately, making this type of distinction may not be that useful. Because in either case, the outcome is typically the same: dealing with a compulsive or pathological liar is very difficult to do.

A compulsive liar will resort to telling lies, regardless of the situation. Again, everyone lies from time to time (see, when lovers lie), but for a compulsive liar, telling lies is routine. It becomes a habit - a way of life.

Simply put, for a compulsive liar, lying becomes second nature.

Not only do compulsive liars bend the truth about issues large and small, they take comfort in it. Lying feels right to a compulsive liar. Telling the truth, on the other hand, is difficult and uncomfortable.

And like any behavior which provides comfort and an escape from discomfort (i.e., alcohol, drugs, sex), lying can become addictive and hard to stop. For the compulsive liar, lying feels safe and this fuels the desire to lie even more.

Making matters even more complicated, compulsive lying is often a symptom of a much larger personality disorder, which only makes the problem more difficult to resolve (see, narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder).

Unfortunately, compulsive lying is hard for the person involved to see, but it hurts those who are around it. Compulsive lying, if not addressed, can easily ruin a relationship (for example, see why does he need to lie).

Compulsive lying can be dealt with through counseling or therapy. But, like any addictive behavior (and/or personality disorder), getting someone to admit they have a problem with lying is the difficult part. Sadly enough, getting someone to recognize that he or she has a problem usually requires hitting rock bottom first.

[songbird]

How can you help your partner get over compulsive lying?

It may seem harsh on your sweetheart but it is necessary to combat this sickness. If you find that he/she is lying then give him/her the evidence and ask the person why did he/she lie? Your sweetheart may resent the topic or abuse you for spying him/her. It may hurt but be stable in your viewpoint and make the person understand the need to tell the truth.

Make your lover understand that you love him/her irrespective of anything and will help him to recover his/her bad habit. Support him/her to rise up and not to fall back in your sight.

Talk to your lover about the issue. Do not step back to get any counseling from a psychiatrist. It is a psychological problem and handle it with care lest you will lose your loving relationship. Set some small and specific goals for your partner. Show that you do not trust your lover through gestures and not words when he/she starts building up castles in the air. He/she will slowly resent from the habit, as not doing it with purpose. Your lover will surely doesn't want to loose you. Enhance their self-esteem, image and encourage acceptance.

Do not ask the person to promise that he will never lie, as it will never happen instantly. It takes time. Give him/her the time and space that he needs.

[songbird]

Compulsive Lying Disorder: Symptoms
To treat compulsive lying disorder, one must first explore the symptoms, that can confirm if the person really has a compulsive liar syndrome. Here are some of the symptoms of compulsive lying syndrome, which may help you in identifying people affected by it. By using these symptoms, you can make a compulsive liar test, which can easily identify them.

Web of Lies:
People affected with compulsive lying disorder lie and they lie big time, for no apparent reason at times. You do not realize that you are being lied to, until you spend a considerable period of time with him or her. With time, you recognize the inconsistencies in the facts that are shared with you. The surprising thing is that the person continues to lie, even when he/she realizes that you see through him!

Eye Evasion when Talking:
This is a general way of catching people who lie. They generally evade eye contact when they are lying to you and look down or else where. If a person regularly talks this way, you can be sure something is wrong with him or her.

Short Temper:
When you push them to clarify their lies or you try to investigate, they lose their temper and may emotionally blackmail you, to stop you.

Impulsiveness:
People affected with obsessive compulsive lying disorder, are impulsive by nature. Their impulsiveness causes them to make a lot of mistakes, which they again try to cover up through lies.

Procrastination & Failure to Meet Commitments:
People affected with compulsive lying syndrome are known to be procrastinators and therefore, they often fail to meet commitments.

For more on this read:

    * Compulsive Liar Symptoms
    * Signs of Compulsive Lying
    * Traits of a Habitual Liar

Causes of Compulsive Liar Syndrome
There may be many reasons why a person falls prey to compulsive liar syndrome. All the causes listed below are precursors, which push them into a vicious habit of lying. Here are some of the probable reasons.

Low Self Esteem:
These people generally have a low opinion about themselves and are victims of inferiority complex. The low self esteem prompts them to lie, to heighten their worth in other people's eyes.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD):
This is a disorder which affects children, making it difficult for them to learn. ADHD causes problems which make them doubt their abilities. To defend themselves they start lying, which eventually becomes a habit.

Personality Disorders:
A person may be affected by some personality disorders like a narcissistic personality disorder, which may prompt him to lie repeatedly.

Bipolar Disorder:
People affected with compulsive liar disorder are often victims of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder causes them to go into periods of mania, when they become highly impulsive, risk seeking and can lie easily.

Addictions:
A person who is addicted to gambling, alcohol, drugs or any other such indulgence, can resort to lying, which can become a habit.

Inability to Face Reality:
This is probably the most important cause behind compulsive liar syndrome. These people are not mentally prepared to accept reality and to accept who they are and the way things are. They create a fantasy world built on lies, which acts as a barrier that protects them from facing reality. The fantasy world is so reinforced in their mind, that lying becomes their second nature.

[songbird]

Most people don't believe it but denying all of their lies isn't necessarily one of the traits of a compulsive liar. Some pathological liars find that it is much too inconvenient, or stressful, to constantly be inventing elaborate cover ups and trying to keep them all straight. Some liars, who deep down inside are upstanding people with strong consciences, find that there is extreme guilt and a lot of uncomfortable feelings that stem from holding onto the knowledge that they are hurting their significant other and their relationship to them. Not all compulsive liars are that noble, some just want to get people off their back, and they know that confessing is a quick way to do it.

Sometimes when you get a confession, it really is what you hope it to be, it's a genuine chance to start again, and work on trust that was lost. However, it is important to always be aware that a confession can simply be an easy way out of trouble. Sometimes people who lie a lot just use confessing as a diversion tactic. Their confession is simply used to divert your attention away from the significance and consequences of their lies. More often then not, the person you love confesses, apologizes -- and then just continues to lie. These people are a strange case in comparison to people who stack lies on top of each other. These are not people who lie about lies, their lies do not compound. To a lot of people, the confessor seems to be OK because they admit their faults and they try to get absolution. Many people fall for this trick, not realizing that this is one of the traits of a compulsive liar. The people who are the victims of these types of liars feel that they cannot deny them, and that they must forgive them.

When people who are constantly being lied to finally get a confession, they tend to think that the relationship they are in is finally getting on the right track. They are very optimistic in thinking that there are finally no more secrets between them and their partner. They feel as though all their misunderstandings are finally cleared up. Worst of all, they think that the liar has finally opened up to them; they think that since the liar has shared painful secrets, and intimate thoughts with them that they must forgive them. Unfortunately, the liar's actions almost never match their promises.

When looking at the traits of a compulsive liar, you will find that they sometimes enjoy taking the easy way out. They know that confessing will quell feelings of anger and frustration from their victims. If things start to get out of hand they realize that a confession will generally get them out of trouble. Most people fail to realize that the only reason the liar got himself into whatever position they are in is because they lied in the first place. The confession would have never needed to happen if the person hadn't been lying.

[lavender orchid]

\!!

ok, we have now sort of "identified" all the types that can still be blamed and shamed, whether as oneself or any other.

but we are very soft on "denial" and its being so hard to come out of.
in order to "break" old habit patterns, one has to face them first.
and facing them should be encouraged and accompanied by compassionate companionship.
much as i do appreciate all the wonderful links we share here, they are no substitute for personal involvement in the here and now.

i.o.w. how will i know i am still talking to a person and not to a computer-animation? you may laugh about the question now.
but i talk about manifestations of dreams and visions. their qualities in relation to needs.
and concrete: some "lovers" do have a homeopathic high potence quality which may be what i need, but the side effects of incompatibility with my social environment may still need another type of medication!

love ya!

[leeslight]

 

I have to say... wooohoooo!!!!! My partner (although we are separated) is COMPULSIVE LIAR!!!!! and I knew I wasn't nuts... and i always know when he is lying, and when i get sick of it and show him up on it, he gets very defensive or just closes up... hahahahahahaha.... he can't look me in the eye when its something heavy, eg/ like him looking up a certain site on the internet, he tried telling me it was his brother ... I had all that facts, passwords in front of me told him, he couldn't look at me and started to talk about something else, it wasn't a big deal really, but I wanted him to know he couldn't lie to me or hide things from me, cause i would always find out... 

I truly believe he doesn't realize he is doing it half the time its like second nature... Like our weekend away camping, now i was there.. and when he's tell the story, he's added or totally reinvented a situation.... now I just let it go.

I made him go to counseling, cause it can destroy a relationship... but we thought he was delusional  cause he was just making stupid stuff up, well to me it was and the way he was going he was BI Polar.... sooo loaded up with drugs, tied all the time, it just wasn't him.

we are currently living apart not to do our issues, but he has other family issues and they are just as bad 

Thank you soooo much for all of that information, it has truly helped me... "I am SANE" 

Blessings
 

[lavender orchid]

pantomime in fine print?
with a very individual blessing! 

[Lori Anne]

I have to say... wooohoooo!!!!! My partner (although we are separated) is COMPULSIVE LIAR!!!!! and I knew I wasn't nuts... and i always know when he is lying, and when i get sick of it and show him up on it, he gets very defensive or just closes up... hahahahahahaha.... he can't look me in the eye when its something heavy, eg/ like him looking up a certain site on the internet, he tried telling me it was his brother ... I had all that facts, passwords in front of me told him, he couldn't look at me and started to talk about something else, it wasn't a big deal really, but I wanted him to know he couldn't lie to me or hide things from me, cause i would always find out... 

I truly believe he doesn't realize he is doing it half the time its like second nature... Like our weekend away camping, now i was there.. and when he's tell the story, he's added or totally reinvented a situation.... now I just let it go.

I made him go to counseling, cause it can destroy a relationship... but we thought he was delusional  cause he was just making stupid stuff up, well to me it was and the way he was going he was BI Polar.... sooo loaded up with drugs, tied all the time, it just wasn't him.

we are currently living apart not to do our issues, but he has other family issues and they are just as bad 

Thank you soooo much for all of that information, it has truly helped me... "I am SANE" 

Blessings
 

It is difficult to say the least.  I have broken up with the comulsive liar in my life, but his lying hasnt stopped.  Its gotten to the point though where we can not even be friends because I just won't put up with it.  These are his issues and he needs to fix them if he will.  It's just not worth the stress and emotional upheaval to me to be even friends with a compulsive liar.  Its never-ending!
Leeslight I hope all goes well for you and your partner, wishing you the best of luck!

[lavender orchid]

\!!

maybe there's a cure to compulsive lying:

speaking the original language once more.

not simply english in written form. ambiguities are a menace beyond the comprehension of its origins.

mind you, i can pick up all the vibes of antipathy.
they only leave me guessing as to their REASON. nothing creates misery more easily.

 

[Lori Anne]

\!!

maybe there's a cure to compulsive lying:

speaking the original language once more.

not simply english in written form. ambiguities are a menace beyond the comprehension of its origins.

mind you, i can pick up all the vibes of antipathy.
they only leave me guessing as to their REASON. nothing creates misery more easily.

 

Of course there is a cure.  And certainly I did have the means to work on my ex.  However it was too much strain on my energy and emotions and physically health, not to mention this time it wasn't my job to fix him, it was his job.  He doesn't want to be cured.  Thats a problem

In other circumstances though lavender I am sure you are 100 percent correct.

[lavender orchid]

Of course there is a cure.  And certainly I did have the means to work on my ex.  However it was too much strain on my energy and emotions and physically health, not to mention this time it wasn't my job to fix him, it was his job.  He doesn't want to be cured.  Thats a problem

In other circumstances though lavender I am sure you are 100 percent correct.

thanks Lori-Anne, in places that i would call home we can be honest, even when circumstances dictate an optimism that is no longer correct.
did, therefore, hope descend into a hazy mix of tacit agreement with zeitgeist and self-berating?

i think i know YOUR answer, that counts when i doubt being welcome.

love to you, and extra hugs to leeslight.

\!!

[leeslight]

Thanks guys, Love the huggs   

And yes... I have felt as strongly as you Lori Anne with all his crap hahaha... BUT!! as much as it drove and drives me crazy some times, I feel well I know its not my problem sooo its not me lol, and it is all him... I love him, he loves me... If I dont try to help him, steer in him the right directions who will? cause no sane person would take him in, put up with the crap or help him.. Some one has to stop somewhere along the line and help him.  In saying that, if and when it gets us to fight and argue to a point, I have no hesitation to call time out have no communication till their comes a balance of some kind. Hence fixing me back up emotionally, re-energize. Because I come first. lol

Thanking you Lori Anne and Lavernder orchid you both have helped me..

Love and Light
xx

[lavender orchid]

hey, with all due respect to stepping on all respective toes ....