I am new on this group

[Mr Truth]

Hi freinds

I joiined this forum a few weeks back.

I am writing this post in a very desperate state.

I don't know where to start from and what to say. All i can say is that i am in a very critical mental state. I have been alienated for too long and now i am at a critical state where i am seeing myself drift away in front of my own eyes into escape and avoidance once again from which i struggled so hard to come out. I have been defeated completely by my mind, which is plagued  and trapped in very severe obsessiveness and emotional patterns of shame, fear and guilt.

I have been suffering for so long now and repressing myself, hiding my pain, tears and anger. Now its got too much. Self judgement, constant anxiety, obsessiveness and need to be right and absolutely rational at all costs is what occupies my mind all the time and despite all the awareness i haven't been able to be free of it. The insecurity, super harsh ego and obsessiveness when powered by my highly analytical,  and complex mind gives me no space to breathe and i wonder if would be ever able to put into words how cruel my mind is to me...there is a life story of trauma and other sorrows of life but ...

all i had to compensate was a strong heart and strng will and i misused it to bury everything to my heart.

It has been extremely difficult for me all my life to share my feelings and thoughts for the obsesion to be exact and fear of being misunderstood would keep me away from it, obsessiveness has been a very cruel and cunning enemy of mine. There is something worng somewhere always and i am never right. Shame and vulnerability forced me into being self sufficient and i deprived myself of all my human needs of touch, warmth ..

at present i am so scared, my mind that my whole system has shut down and i have become dissociated from my own self. I have been disintergrated into different selves. I feel so angry, sad and helpless becausee there is nothing i am being able to do about it..and against my will i am loosing all my ability to be mindful (when in higher states of awareness my obsessiveness and rationality gets even more strenthened and i can see so much, and i would never stop understanding things to the end that i become irrational)
 
 Existentially to see reasons behind everything and to find everything conditional is shattering.
 
I get so insecure to loose the power and freedom that i get from awareness that i eventually loose it.
I am displaced and dissociated and so scared and have tears of blood in my eyes to see myself reversing towards the world of ignorance, without my choice.and without my awareness they'll manipulate me and murder my soul or i'll let them murder it ...

Psycic truths don't resolve pscholgical problems not does spirituality compensate for the human needs and vulnerability...

I have **** loads of anger and greif and i find no space to let it out, feel guilty to for even greiving because it brings me releif and its for my good, such is he self hatred and extent of shame... i feel trapped in my home and the identity i get from them..they get affected by seeing me this way and i feel guilty for it, and i feel angry to put up a false face when i am in such a critical state of madness...being numb, scared and flat..feelings of anger produce further guilt in me and if i act out provoked by their worrying and manipulation i feel more guilty....such is the ugly trap of familial ties...everyone is guilty for feeling happy worrying about others and these bonds ae very deep.

I havebeen contemplating of simply loosing it and going mad, at least then i'll have the oppurtunity to be emotionally honest, scream, yell, shout, and act uninhibited in this emotionally dishonest soceity...i can very well understand  why people choose to go mad, its out of such helplessness and why people return to addiction after being clean for years and even after havng got awakened...i can even understand and empathise with murderers...

i am in a even worse state that i am aware of, because i get displaced from my own feeling...

i have got so confused in past few months that it seems i won't be able to come out of here alone, i am drained of all energy, i am so scared of my own insecurities that i am even scared to try anymore and it feels like i have created enough karma and confusion to come back. My moods swing like crazy and whole bio-chemistry is messed up, always anxious and displaced.
 
And i am now getting avoidant and procastinating kind of giving up and wearing my mask again.
 
I know i'll have to try and keep trying there is noone who can do this to me ...but this uffering has been too much...and the worst is that i am totally disconnected from my feelings even as i write this, its just the intellectual content and the analysis..

 really don't know where i am heading from here, i am just coping ....
 
love
 
Mr t
 

[FunkyPlasma]

Mr Truth.

Hi..its Michael...I just wanted you to know I have read your post...

I do not have time to respond now as I have to be out in a few minutes (after I have brushed my teeth, basically)

I will reply in full later - and if there is anyone here who would like to help Mr. Truth, go for it...

I simply know Mr. Truth from another group

Best wishes in the meanwhile


Love,

Michaelwoof

[songbird]

Mr.  Truth

Thank you for sharing yourself with us.  Definitely not an easy thing to do, to open yourself up like you did.  May I ask a question, or two?

Do you Dream?
How do you feel about using aspects of Shamanism as an alternative way to heal?
Have you done any Chakra or Energy work?
Are you willing and open to journeys or Dream healing?

Peace
Love to you

Click here

and here

[♀♥Lady Urania♥♀]

I am off to the doc but when I return I will certainly reply Mr T. Hang in there.

[FunkyPlasma]

"Disturbingly, some peoples' egos seem to expand along with their consciousness when they have what they consider to be an advanced Kundalini awakening. I was somewhat shocked when I first came across this, being of the mind that Kundalini would purify any blocks within people and fashion them into human beings equivalent to the Mother Teresas and the Dalai Lamas of this world. Not so; some of the poorest representations of spiritual growth gone wrong have been people with advanced Kundalini experiences, or alleged to be fully enlightened, some of the finest have been those with the most challenging and problem-ridden Kundalini awakenings." - http://heartseva.com/


Love,

Michaelwoof

[♀♥Lady Urania♥♀]

The best thing you can do for yourself, is to find some support group for depression, to be able to talk things out. Also, a spiritual group of some form in your local area would help as well. I would certainly meditate, but would avoid any kind of metaphysical, magic, esoteric, mystic work, of any form, until you've cleaned house and resolved some things. Mindfulness, keeping still, aiming for 'silence' would be the best bet. Im not huge on medication being an end-all solution, but if you've got issues like DID or Bi-polar, then you should seek help for this. Though really, it sounds more like a case of depression, and an extended dark night of the soul, because you are at least 'aware' something is wrong, and you're aware that you've got these sides of yourself. Much of it is the ego creation, and the persona/mask as you've said. You're carrying quite a bit of grief and cannot find an outlet to express it. You're trying to be strong when you feel vulnerable, trying to be analytical, when things cannot be easily sorted, trying to be mindful when your mind is completely scattered and dual. No, a 'mask' isnt going to do any good. This also creates a 'split.' However, you cannot continue any longer, subjecting family to the dark night, either. You have to get help for your situation, and certainly going 'mad' isnt the answer, or exploding. Also, no journeying should be done, esp without some expert 'guide' along the way, because if you did self-journey, such as soul retrieval, et al, you wouldn't make it, damned sure of that.

I would begin however, even going to your basic family physician, explaining to him or her, your situation, they should be able to give you something at least mild to temper the blues or maybe recommend something for you, and then seek out a depression support group, so you can release your anger and pain, cause apparently past wounds never healed and are aching and surfacing. Much of this, the blues you're experiencing, is the souls' own way of shouting 'deal with me now you're ready!' Sure, ego never feels ready, cause it wants to feel happy and good at all times, but there is unfinished business, and actually the surfacing, and the extended dark night, are healthy reactions. Believe it or not, note this again: these are healthy reactions. What can make them harmful or dangerous, is to repress them, any further, or extend your pain any longer with procrastination. So go to the doctor yesterday and seek a good depression support group yesterday, so you can get some good techniques to deal with such things, and meet some fellow travelers along the way whom are in the same boat as you. And good luck.

[mayflow]

"Disturbingly, some peoples' egos seem to expand along with their consciousness when they have what they consider to be an advanced Kundalini awakening. I was somewhat shocked when I first came across this, being of the mind that Kundalini would purify any blocks within people and fashion them into human beings equivalent to the Mother Teresas and the Dalai Lamas of this world. Not so; some of the poorest representations of spiritual growth gone wrong have been people with advanced Kundalini experiences, or alleged to be fully enlightened, some of the finest have been those with the most challenging and problem-ridden Kundalini awakenings." - http://heartseva.com/


Love,

Michaelwoof

[FunkyPlasma]

To save Mr. Truth having to explain, he feels misunderstood.

A lot of society does find some people easier to understand than others.

Unfortunately, problems of feeling misunderstood can happen even if one does seek advice with regard to mental health.

The way Western society works is to tick the clumsy boxes that do or do not apply and to make a diagnosis thereof.

Kundalini is barely recognised, less still, understood, by some psychiatrists.

One illness or imbalance can mimic another, having similar symptoms but very different underlying causes.

What is the one thing most psychiatrists do?

Pump people full of drugs, that can manifest as causing even more damage, by way of even partial suppression of kundalini.

Contacting a GP is a natural first step, in theory.

In practice, contacting a GP is only a stepping stone.

It is not atall uncommon for psychiatrists to have or have had mental health problems.

It is easy to assume that all psychiatrists have chosen to become psychiatrists to idealistically serve a higher good.

In reality, there may have been people drawn to the profession because they have high status needs.

To have absolute control over people, is a control-freaks heaven.

This, is not to say that all psychiatrists do not have good intentions.

That would be daft and unrealistic.

But even ignorance can be very damaging.

Patient abuse happens with the elderly, as the elderly in care homes are vulnerable; soft, easy, vulnerable targets.

Abuse of patients can also happen in psychiatric settings.

Studies have been done on the above.

The one thing most people who seek help for depression  in Western society can be fairly sure of, is being pumped full of drugs.
 
If a patient gets better, pharmaceutical companies sell less drugs

A person can become a psychologist or psychiatrist because they have problems and want to be inside peoples minds.

One side of psychology is (trying) to help people.

Another side is getting inside peoples minds to cause damage

I have suffered from depression.

A simple image of how some patients are treated is as follows.

I saw a man dribbling and a male nurse saying what a disgusting man he was.

A week later, the man was dead from natural causes

Psychology?

The field of mental health is notorious for patients being treated badly as it is very easy and familiarity breeding  contempt.

I know Mr. Truth has already sought help - and felt misunderstood.


Love,

Michaelwoof

[songbird]

Also, no journeying should be done, esp without some expert 'guide' along the way, because if you did self-journey, such as soul retrieval, et al, you wouldn't make it, damned sure of that.

I wasn't suggesting that he do this himself.   Hope I didn't give the wrong impression with my questions.

[♀♥Lady Urania♥♀]

I wasn't suggesting that he do this himself.   Hope I didn't give the wrong impression with my questions.

Oh I never thought you did. I was just specifying that myself.

[♀♥Lady Urania♥♀]

Hi Michael,

I understand. Ive also had KA so I totally understand the experience, and how it could be maddening if premature.

However, at the same time, going to a doc and finding a support group may curb something.

I certainly understand our society can medicate in cases where it probably shouldnt, because when depression 'surfaces' meds can also cause one to repress. However, if one cannot function, and live their life, it may be something necessary to do, at least, something mild. Like folks who become suicidal, taken to the brink, that would be worse than taking some medication.

Kundalini can take one through an extreme high and low. The good news is eventually it will wear down if all goes well, and not remain in such a state, the whole time.

Because of the highs, the 'bliss,' what can occur is the low, can lead to a dark night, and extreme fear of death.

However, KA is still both a physical and a spiritual transition. And a support group for the depressing times would be helpful. And metaphysical type work, wont help as much.

Yoga would also help him to control it too, so it doesnt control him.

It would help to know what triggered it, maybe if Mr T lets us know that might be a start.

To save Mr. Truth having to explain, he feels misunderstood.

A lot of society does find some people easier to understand than others.

Unfortunately, problems of feeling misunderstood can happen even if one does seek advice with regard to mental health.

The way Western society works is to tick the clumsy boxes that do or do not apply and to make a diagnosis thereof.

Kundalini is barely recognised, less still, understood, by some psychiatrists.

One illness or imbalance can mimic another, having similar symptoms but very different underlying causes.

What is the one thing most psychiatrists do?

Pump people full of drugs, that can manifest as causing even more damage, by way of even partial suppression of kundalini.

Contacting a GP is a natural first step, in theory.

In practice, contacting a GP is only a stepping stone.

It is not atall uncommon for psychiatrists to have or have had mental health problems.

It is easy to assume that all psychiatrists have chosen to become psychiatrists to idealistically serve a higher good.

In reality, there may have been people drawn to the profession because they have high status needs.

To have absolute control over people, is a control-freaks heaven.

This, is not to say that all psychiatrists do not have good intentions.

That would be daft and unrealistic.

But even ignorance can be very damaging.

Patient abuse happens with the elderly, as the elderly in care homes are vulnerable; soft, easy, vulnerable targets.

Abuse of patients can also happen in psychiatric settings.

Studies have been done on the above.

The one thing most people who seek help for depression  in Western society can be fairly sure of, is being pumped full of drugs.
 
If a patient gets better, pharmaceutical companies sell less drugs

A person can become a psychologist or psychiatrist because they have problems and want to be inside peoples minds.

One side of psychology is (trying) to help people.

Another side is getting inside peoples minds to cause damage

I have suffered from depression.

A simple image of how some patients are treated is as follows.

I saw a man dribbling and a male nurse saying what a disgusting man he was.

A week later, the man was dead from natural causes

Psychology?

The field of mental health is notorious for patients being treated badly as it is very easy and familiarity breeding  contempt.

I know Mr. Truth has already sought help - and felt misunderstood.


Love,

Michaelwoof

[Sano Mor]

yes...keep away from the doctor's...their fix is more hell than you could imagine right now...
if you are already on prescription poisons...wean yourself slowly...do not tell anyone
seek a good naturopath...homeopathy and herbs and radionics...
get your mercury fillings removed ...find a competant dentist versed in the intricacy of mercury removal
you are carrying a toxic load of heavy metals and poisonous substances
this brave new world has been designed to bring about all that you describe...in you
eat organic food where possible...hey...get into making a garden...the plants and earth are healers
eat raw food...sprouts...juicing...
start taking chlorella and spirulina etc
start reading carlos castaneda books...become the warrior
yes...what age are you?...uranus return?
stop eating wheat and milk products
listen to healing music...preferably chants in some form
watch your fear arise...just observe it...
realise all that you feel is a trick of awareness splitting itself...fear feeding itself...
throw away your cellphone...nothing is important except now
reach your child through memory...you must love this child...grow it forward in your heart...change the memory to postive...
or simply erase it...memory dust
you must captivate your senses....each one tuned into loving viibration....turn your enviroment into paradise
understand that in any moment you choose what to respond to...
choose to observe...
choose to observe yourself within the knowing of love
adore all your being...love your 'mistakes'...everything...ALL...
you are all you are...yet you are nothing...you are experience
nurture...your self...support and nurture
get into the SUN...hold your palms out to the SUN....draw the emanations....the sunfluid into your body
breathe this love into your heart centre
love the SUN
get some good calming herbs...to help the body through transitions
be in service...no matter how small...be in service to another...to the world you see
keep talking words...talk the fear out...write words...talk to what you perceive as outside
talk to a tree...to the earth...the sky....another human...a pebble
ask outloud to the Spirit...for help
be in gratitude for everything that you perceive
you are existing...is this not enough?
light before you
light behind you
light to your left
light to your right
light below you
light above you
light within you
light in your surroundings
light to the universe
light to ALL
you see Mr Truth...there is a trick to your name
contact me if you feel to do so...or not...your choice
AD GURU NAMEH
JUGAD GURAY NAMEH
SAT GURAY NAMEH
SIRI GURU DEVAY NAMEH
AD SUCH
JUGAD SUCH
HEHBEE SUCH
NANAKA O SEE BEE SUCH

[Sano Mor]

pssst...get a binaural machine...preferably one with light patterns for the eyes
but just binaural sounds on headphones will do
your brainwaves are in the high alpha...beta
use the machine or cd's everyday...to lower brainwave pattern
i have cleared around you...you must do the rest


why is it important for one to describe the ego of another?
more descriptions in the inventory?

[songbird]

Thanks Sano Mor

Love you! 

And, Mr.  Truth,

Keep your tongue up.  (and your chin)


(If I learned anything from being on all the Kundalini lists for years it was this.)

[♀♥Lady Urania♥♀]

Now dont get me wrong guys when I recommended doc and I did say if anything maybe could give something 'mild.' Yes, I do believe that many docs are out there prescribing meds like candy, and these co's want to make money. They need sick, depressed, people being diagnosed to keep in business. And there's a lot of folks addicted to Prozac, and other antidepressants, and those arent a cure in themselves. But for people who do have it really, really bad, like just cant get out of bed for months and its crippling them, they may actually need to take something just to function. But really, as all forms of depression have some source, either psychological or physiological, it cant be ignored. And as Mr T said, at times hes thot about just going 'mad,' that of course, is not a good option to go, and hed be better taking meds than just flipping out. That wouldnt help. Thats why a decent support group in his neighborhood would do much better.

The good news is about kundalini, it will eventually calm 'down' in most people. But it really depends on the individual and how they handle it. The upheaval also requires a process of dusting the link to spirit, which would help a lot. But like I said, getting into any magic or mystic work, could possibly aggravate anything.

For the record I also recommend going out and helping others, like if Mr T gets involved helping others, like doing volunteer work in some form, working with the elderly, some donation org, something, that may also give some balance of the effects too, get him on the track why spirit chose to zap him when did, or what the timing/trigger was for it all.